I want to be an artist. I want to be a ballerina. I want to be an Anthropologie window display coordinator. I want to be an event designer. I want to be a non-profit marketing and social media manager. I want to be a stationary designer. I want to be a letterpress expert. I want to own a coffeeshop. I want to be a missionary. I want to help people in need. I want to make people feel loved.
I don't know what I want to be.
Does anyone else struggle with this? Some people figure out their paths, and just GO for it. Oh how I've struggled with longing for that for years. And yet I've come to a place where I understand that a lot of people don't know what's next. And that's okay. And that God will work all the pieces together, despite my overwhelming desire to plan them out and force them to fit together myself.
I've also had to remind myself that my value does not come from what I do. I believe God calls us to DO. He calls women & men to work, to create, to serve, to love in tangible and active ways. To bring light and love to the dark places that need them. But I often need a reminder that my worth does not come from that. My worth comes from the fact that the all-powerful, all-knowing, ALL-GOOD and ALL-LOVING God of the universe and beyond, loves and cares about me. He has plans for me. He wants what is best for me. He cares about my needs, and he cares about my character. He wants what's best for me, kind of like I imagine a parent wants what's best for their child, but has to let that child make their own decisions and live their own life the way they choose to.
So what's next (besides getting to marry my best friend and the absolute love of my life <3)? I have NO idea. Do I want to know? You have no idea how badly. But for now, I think I'll take things day by day, pray, and leave the rest up to God.