"Most people today think that their greatest need is to be loved; that is why they get married. They want to find someone that will love them, they want to be noticed, they feel lonely, they want to be appreciated. The biblical view is that God has met that need. He proved His love for us through Christ, He will love us, He will accept us. So your greatest need has already been met. The greatest need now then is to learn how to love.
I look at marriage as a teacher of how to love. If you are married to a person with a temper, how do you learn to love a person with a temper? If you are married to a person who is overly sensitive or selfish, how do you learn to love a sensitive or selfish person?
Well, it is really through humility, realizing that I am, not like Christ. We often compare ourselves to people we deem to not be good examples of how to be in marriage like a Charlie Sheen and say, “Well I am not Charlie Sheen but I am not Jesus either.” So even though a person might be more spiritual than their spouse they still realize the need to grow in how they love their spouse. So then the things I used to resent about my marriage – now I see it as a purpose of my marriage, as I now see that God designed it to pinch my feet, to show me that I am selfish and that I don’t know how to love, to show me that I am not like Christ so I can become better at how I love."
I highly recommend his book, "Sacred Marriage."
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